Beer, Barbecue and Badminton

With Super Bowl XLIII this Sunday, or Super Bowl 43 for those not born in 4th Century BC Rome, there will be plenty of Beer, Barbecue and Badminton going on…err, I mean Football. Honestly though, who wasn’t born in 4th Century BC anyway.

There will always be those that watch the game strictly for the most expensive ads of the year. For this years game a 30 second spot will run you 3-million dollars. That is 100-thousand a second for those counting at home. That is too much math for a Sunday, sorry.

I am sure there will be plenty of madness following the game, so maybe some highlights of previous games and cough cough, commercials later.

I have no plans at the moment for the game, but I will think of something, maybe a game of Badminton.

Presidental Strangeness

In a few days we will have a new President taking office. Although there are plenty of odd aspects of government, I thought I would share some of the strange things that have happened over the years with our past 43 Presidents (Barack Obama will be number 44).

Obama’s inauguration is Tuesday in very warm Washington D.C. with a forecasted high of 33°. He probably has more real teeth than George Washington had at his inauguration. Washington had only one tooth. Instead, he wore dentures made of human teeth, animal teeth, ivory or even lead.

I have never been a huge fan of watching golf, but seeing Gerald Ford play might have been fun. Spectators had to watch carefully since the President was known for bouncing golf balls off people’s heads with wild shots.

Franklin Pierce must not have been a fan of bad smells since he ordered the first bathtub for the White House. Many people were upset since they thought taking baths was not healthy and would make you sick when he took office in 1853. Only 6 years previously, Ignaz Semmelweis was ridiculed and tossed in an asylum for suggesting doctors wash their hands to remove germs after autopsies on cadavers.

There has been talk about what type of dog the Obama family will have in the White House, but I think Calvin Coolidge gets the award for best pet. He had a two pet raccoons that he and his wife took on walks. He also had a bear, a hippo, eight dogs, two canaries, two cats, a bobcat, lion cubs, and a wallaby. I am not sure if he had all of those while in office.

We will see what fun things we find out about Barack Obama, but the only one I know of right now is how many names he has had over the years. Right now, he is Barack Obama Jr., but he has been named Barry Soetoro, Barack Soetoro, Barry Dunham, and Barry Obama.

The First Day of Winter

Yesterday was officially the first day of Winter. Living where I have most of my life that season’s meaning is somewhat lost on me. It gets in the 40’s (Fahrenheit) and we throw on our coats to ward off the unbearable cold. Then disaster strikes and we get a little bit of rain. Oh no, it might rain for an entire day.

According to some weather reports from the NOAA (National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration [weather dudes]), wind chill in the Midwest puts temperatures at -30°F or lower today. Now that is winter, not this wimpy, “oh let me grab a light jacket stuff” we have here.

I know that water freezes at 32°F, but I wonder what temperature below zero is has to be to hit the ground as ice. Jack London wrote about it in his short story To Build a Fire, and said -50°F; as the character has his spit freeze on his face and beard. You will not find me in a situation to test that out any time soon. The thought of a human snowman does not sound too appealing.

Mowing the lawn can be a pain, but this sure does not look like a lot of fun.

These photos above are courtesy of some severely frozen people. I took a quick look at my photos and found one where people look like they are absolutely freezing. A little different, but if you look you will notice some actually have sweatshirts on.

The Cremation of Sam McGee

Every year my sister reads The Cremation of Sam McGee to her class at school. I am not sure when she will read it this year, but in honor of the cold of winter I bring you the poem written by Robert Service. The poem originally published in 1907 was a hit, published again by Ted Harrison in 1986 and read in Canadian elementary schools.

Another person I knew would sing it, and quite well at that. Though I have not my sister’s voice to play for you, I found a copy read by the author Robert Service. Unfortunately, the reading was cut short and the end is not there. Instead, I found another video read well. The YouTube video is not embedded so I do not freak out anybody's browsers, but the link is below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lBkuz1TlVc

Although it is quite long, if you want to read along here is the full text of the poem.

There are strange things done in the midnight sun
By the men who moil for gold;
The Arctic trails have their secret tales
That would make your blood run cold;
The Northern Lights have seen queer sights,
But the queerest they ever did see
Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge
I cremated Sam McGee.

Now Sam McGee was from Tennessee, where the cotton blooms and blows.
Why he left his home in the South to roam 'round the Pole, God only knows.
He was always cold, but the land of gold seemed to hold him like a spell;
Though he'd often say in his homely way that he'd "sooner live in hell".

On a Christmas Day we were mushing our way over the Dawson trail.
Talk of your cold! through the parka's fold it stabbed like a driven nail.
If our eyes we'd close, then the lashes froze till sometimes we couldn't see;
It wasn't much fun, but the only one to whimper was Sam McGee.

And that very night, as we lay packed tight in our robes beneath the snow,
And the dogs were fed, and the stars o'erhead were dancing heel and toe,
He turned to me, and "Cap," says he, "I'll cash in this trip, I guess;
And if I do, I'm asking that you won't refuse my last request."

Well, he seemed so low that I couldn't say no; then he says with a sort of moan:
"It's the cursed cold, and it's got right hold till I'm chilled clean through to the bone.
Yet 'tain't being dead — it's my awful dread of the icy grave that pains;
So I want you to swear that, foul or fair, you'll cremate my last remains."

A pal's last need is a thing to heed, so I swore I would not fail;
And we started on at the streak of dawn; but God! he looked ghastly pale.
He crouched on the sleigh, and he raved all day of his home in Tennessee;
And before nightfall a corpse was all that was left of Sam McGee.

There wasn't a breath in that land of death, and I hurried, horror-driven,
With a corpse half hid that I couldn't get rid, because of a promise given;
It was lashed to the sleigh, and it seemed to say: "You may tax your brawn and brains,
But you promised true, and it's up to you to cremate those last remains."

Now a promise made is a debt unpaid, and the trail has its own stern code.
In the days to come, though my lips were dumb, in my heart how I cursed that load.
In the long, long night, by the lone firelight, while the huskies, round in a ring,
Howled out their woes to the homeless snows — O God! how I loathed the thing.

And every day that quiet clay seemed to heavy and heavier grow;
And on I went, though the dogs were spent and the grub was getting low;
The trail was bad, and I felt half mad, but I swore I would not give in;
And I'd often sing to the hateful thing, and it hearkened with a grin.

Till I came to the marge of Lake Lebarge, and a derelict there lay;
It was jammed in the ice, but I saw in a trice it was called the "Alice May".
And I looked at it, and I thought a bit, and I looked at my frozen chum;
Then "Here", said I, with a sudden cry, "is my cre-ma-tor-eum."

Some planks I tore from the cabin floor, and I lit the boiler fire;
Some coal I found that was lying around, and I heaped the fuel higher;
The flames just soared, and the furnace roared — such a blaze you seldom see;
And I burrowed a hole in the glowing coal, and I stuffed in Sam McGee.

Then I made a hike, for I didn't like to hear him sizzle so;
And the heavens scowled, and the huskies howled, and the wind began to blow.
It was icy cold, but the hot sweat rolled down my cheeks, and I don't know why;
And the greasy smoke in an inky cloak went streaking down the sky.

I do not know how long in the snow I wrestled with grisly fear;
But the stars came out and they danced about ere again I ventured near;
I was sick with dread, but I bravely said: "I'll just take a peep inside.
I guess he's cooked, and it's time I looked";. . . then the door I opened wide.

And there sat Sam, looking cool and calm, in the heart of the furnace roar;
And he wore a smile you could see a mile, and he said: "Please close that door.
It's fine in here, but I greatly fear you'll let in the cold and storm —
Since I left Plumtree, down in Tennessee, it's the first time I've been warm."

There are strange things done in the midnight sun
By the men who moil for gold;
The Arctic trails have their secret tales
That would make your blood run cold;
The Northern Lights have seen queer sights,
But the queerest they ever did see
Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge
I cremated Sam McGee.

New Story on FictionPress

I have a page on a website called FictionPress. FictionPress is somewhat like a writer’s forum where users can upload works of fiction they have written and where anyone can read those written by others. The link to my FictionPress profile is on the sidebar to the right as well as here. The page includes everything from short stories, poems, vignettes, and a few others. Many entries are very old so some are kinda silly. But I uploaded a new short story titled The Day I Die and I encourage you to take a look if you like. It’s pretty short and I hope you enjoy it. You can also make comments and reviews on FictionPress. If you are a fan of fiction, take a look around and you may enjoy some of the other things offered on the site. Let me know what you think and enjoy.

From The Coffee Shop to Your Screen

Inspired by an idea from an employee at a local coffee shop I worked up a new 55 Fiction. A 35-word story was shown to me and I rewrote it with a different storyline, which is surprisingly hard to do with a 55-word max.

With this one, as with the previous Passage and The Duel stories let your imagination fill in the blanks. Reread the previous two with your imagination if not your eyes if you want. Forget the sparse words and let your mind live it, nightmares optional.

Shadow

Shadows crawled the carts.
His fearless face framed by silver moonlight.
High noon in a Tibetan market drenched in black,
Mockery of merchants that chanted their goods above the crowd.
Faceless dark lunged for fearless light.
Shiv carved from the other fears split darkness,
Headless it crawled back to the shadows.


© 2008 jondeplume.blogspot.com, all rights reserved

55 Fiction

You have heard of short stories no doubt, but I was introduced to a type that goes a little more to the extreme. The local newspaper ran an annual contest for submissions to what they called 55 Fiction. Turns out it is quite popular and surprisingly it was the same paper that started the writing contest in 1987. The main idea is to create an entire story in 55 words or less.

That may sound rather simple until you see the criteria. The story must be 55 words or less, have a setting, one or more characters, a conflict, and then a resolution. The paper receives thousands of entries every year and publishes the ones they think are the best in their weekly paper a week or two after the submission deadline.

I submitted two, and unfortunately, neither was chosen to be published in the paper, but it was truly a blast to create something so short. Every word has to be considered, can one word be used in place of two? I admit I am in no means a master of this style, but I encourage you to try it out. Try writing a story in 55 words or less and see how it goes.

Here are the first two I wrote. I have some others that I learned to be more word conservative with, but as first tries they were fun. I think the first two originally were a little too vague and left a reader with a possibility of not understanding the plot, but I will let you decide that for yourself. Passage is 53 words and The Duel is 49. Enjoy.

Passage

They go in. They don’t come out.
Watching from the hall two went in. None came out.
Menacing doors swallowed them all.
An emptying hall, all go through the gaping hole.
I couldn’t help myself. I had to see, slipping through the closing doors.
Fellow prey stood to my side, “Level two please.”

The Duel

Stoic statues faced each other in a dusty street.
Windows boarded up for a storm under blue skies.
A thundering roar heralds a pinnacle’s crumble to dry earth.
It was over, and the other moved away.
A glint of light from a forsaken sheriff’s badge discarded in the dirt.


© 2008 jondeplume.blogspot.com, all rights reserved

As Heard from the Roommates IV

I recently moved out of my old apartment with my more than crazy roommates. I still had plenty of items to place on my As Heard from the Roommates series, so I figured I would include some of the best ones left and move on. The two people and dog I am living with now can be plenty strange, so we shall see if the craziness continues.

Not sure when I will be moving into a new apartment, but I sure hope it is soon. The living arrangement now is not the best. I will continue the Crazy Signs series with plenty of pictures that frankly make no sense at all. Now without further adieu, the madness of apartment 502.

"I’m too lazy to inhale, been holding my breath for three months now."
Upon being asked why he did not do his laundry, which was now rather ripe.

"It’s a special seeing eye rat."
If only I knew why this was one of his pets of choice.

"Blast, I need more plutonium."
and/or
"If only we had a cow."
Which is of course the natural reactions to any problem that may arise.

"All hail spoon."
He was rather excited to find one not in the dishwasher.

"That better not land on my pizza."
Pizza was one roommate's food of choice with ice cream a close second for dinner. Objects being thrown around the living room bothered him for some reason.

Thanks to Zirretta

I have a severe dilemma at the moment. Not counting the winged hamsters pounding on my window with burning torches I realized there are no more books I have to read on my list. I started rereading a favorite of mine, but I seek advice from those that might accidentally stumble onto this site or visit it.

My sister has a great book called Book Lust and it's companion More Book Lust which is more or less a book of literary recommendations for all sorts of genres and interests.

Though I plan to ask her tomorrow if there are any specific recommendations I send my question into the Internet and it's series of tubes, since it's not a dump truck. (Series of tubes full quote [2 minutes long])

From dusty literary classics to sun bleached westerns, pew pew science fiction, "Look upon the land and behold it's power" epics, "Maus"ey graphic novels, steamy romance novels, well maybe not romance novels or any with Fabio as the main character.

Anything you want, those you have read a dozen times or those you have had recommended to you.

With Christmas coming up our family always does a gift exchange with each cousin getting another to give a gift to. Maybe I could write down one of your recommendations. Either way I will be giving the bookstore a Christmas gift of sales this coming month.

Darkness on Black Friday

Note: I wrote this post with breaking news as a source of information. Those familiar with breaking news know that some of it is exaggerated or false. The original post mentioned two women that were killed at a Toys R Us. As the day went forward, it was said by police that two men shot each other inside the store, and there are no other suspects. The post has been updated and currently coincides with news reports. Though things may change as more facts are learned this has still been a dark Black Friday. The original post with changes made is below.

I do not want this blog to become too serious in any way, but I believe some things have gotten out of hand on Black Friday. Black Friday received its name for the enormous amount of sales made the day after Thanksgiving.

Though Black Friday initially received it's name due to a comparison to the chaos that took place during Black Tuesday, the day of the 1929 stock market crash, it now is seen as the day businesses go from no longer have losses (the red) and instead take in the profits (the black) in accounting.

Businesses open very early in the morning, with some offering "door buster" sales around 4 to 5 a.m. A door buster sale turned deadly in New York.

Black Friday has taken on new meaning for me, associated now with sadness and heartache. A 34-year-old male employee at a Wal-Mart in New York's Long Island was killed when the store opened at 5 a.m. A door buster sale actually became one when about 2000 people gathered outside broke down the doors and trampled the employee. Several other employees and shoppers were hurt or taken to the hospital, all because people could not wait to buy the latest piece of junk. The store couldn't even keep it's doors closed and reopened it’s doors only a few hours after blood was spilled next to DVDs of The Incredible Hulk for 9 dollars. I never knew the price of a human life could be bought for such a great deal.

Emergency teams trying to save the man’s life were even pushed around by shoppers trying to grab that last on sale item while the paramedics were trying to save him. Not one person has been charged with any crime; after all, it was a door buster sale. The running of the bulls in Pamplona Spain sounds calmer than this madness. Fourteen people have died since the first running of the bulls in 1910, and as sad as that is, at least they knew what they were getting into and not simply doing their job.

Black Friday was even further stained with the red blood of innocents when two men shot and killed each other shot at a Toys R Us in Palm Desert California. There are no concrete facts yet, but no other suspects are sought and no others were shot. This is just sick. A Tickle-Me-Elmo is never worth a payment of blood.

Toy guns are fine with me, but when someone brings a tool of death into a store designed to fill the dreams of children and kills two people I feel like taking one of those Elmo’s and beating the despicable gunmen and throwing them into Oscar the Grouch's trash can. I am no fan of personal violence, but Black Friday got darker for me today.

Even as I sit here at a Peet's Coffee Shop in a relatively small shopping center I have seen over a dozen police officers wearing bullet proof vests walking around just in case. Two are standing in the Best Buy electronics store and checking bags of shoppers for weapons.

I apologize for the somber post; I wish that I never feel the need to write one again with all my heart. May the families of victims this Black Friday be comforted as we use coupons clipped on Thanksgiving, when we sit down together to enjoy the countless things we are thankful for, knowing that there will be an empty chair this Christmas for some when we pass out presents stained with blood.